| | So I decided to stay up past 2 and that made it so I couldn't sleep at
all. It is now 6:20am and I have to get up at 10. I don't know what I
am going to do haha. Oh well.
I feel as if I am holding Devin
back. He is a young man, and I am the only girlfriend he has had. I am
the only girl he has kissed. The only girl he has done stuff with. He
is 19 already and I am not. He hasn't gone out to the bars or anything
yet. I feel conflicted. I love him so much and it would kill me to know
he kissed someone without being so drunk he did not know what was going
on. I wish I could talk to him right now to tell him how I felt. I want
to know how he feels about potentially never getting to kiss another
girl or do anything with another girl other than me for the rest of his
life. I don't really care about kissing or doing stuff with other guys.
I have had my fair share. I am fine with only having one guy for the
rest of my life. This is not a good feeling at all. He wants to go
drinking with his friend from Tim Hortons but her one friend always
ends up topless, and Devin said he wouldn't want to go because he knew
that it would make me uncomfortable. I feel horrible being the reason
he can't go out and have fun.
All I get to do lately is work,
and go to school. My only fun times are either at work, sadly enough,
or being with Devin [sex, watching shows, and just hanging out]. I
don't really have anyone else. I wish I could be one of those girls who
say as long as you tell me and you don't have feelings for them you can
do stuff with them. I am too jealous to do that. Devin is mine and all
mine. I hate thinking that he probably looks at girls and thinks about
doing stuff with them. I look at guys sure, but I do not think about
doing stuff with them. I would feel guilty. I feel guilty even thinking
a guy is cute. I don't know what is wrong with me right now. Something
is though. |
| | Posted 10/6/2008 6:38 AM - 21 Views - 2 eProps - 2 comments
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